Ameritalia

WRITTEN BY: BJ

Alright it's been a while since I've posted, but nothing really good has happened for me to post about. Because of this, I'll tell you an old rejection story that some of you may know, but many of you do not. Before that though, if I could quote the great Frank Costanza:
"I've got a lot of problems with you people! Now, you're going to hear about them!"

My last blog post, the one where I give Greg a profile, was terrible. Why are there not more comments of people making fun of me? I am disappointed in all of you. How many times am I going to say "Seriously" in order to try to get a laugh. I read that over after I posted it, it's soooo bad. I was writing like some budding stand up comedian who finds himself hilarious. Seriously!?! Why is that the punch line for all of my jokes? It's embarrassing, but you all should be more embarrassed for not letting me have it. That's the point of this blog, to call me and Greg out on our weakness' and exploit them for your benefit. Try it and I promise you it will feel good. It will also make me feel good. I enjoy laughing at myself.

Before I begin, I know the person who this story is about (she reads the blog. Thanks for your support!) and I'm not going to be giving her name and I will try not to embarrass her, or myself, in front of her.  Sorry for posting this story.

Now the moment you have all been waiting for. My story is about a girl. Her name? Let's call her Ameritalia. In Ithaca, the "Commons" is a town square where they have different types of stores, restaurants, and most importantly, bars. But after last call at the bars, most college students stumble their way across to either "Sammy's" or "Ameritalia's" (both pizza places) for a slice to extend the night a little bit longer.

After one particular night and a multidude of drinks, my friends and I crawl across to Ameritalia's. Working at the counter is a girl that I find to be very attractive. Usually after a couple drinks I become more confident, and A LOT more talkative. I struck up a conversation with this girl and ordered my pizza and was on my way. For some reason though, I thought this made a good impression on her and that I was Joe Cool.

A week later, its the same deal, bars then pizza (trend?). I strut my stuff into Ameritalia thinking, "Hey, if that girl is there again, I got this." Success! She is working again! I'm goin' foe it! I walk up to the counter aaaaaaaand she didn't remember me. My confidence is shot right there. But, as I said, I had been to the bars, so I was not giving up that easily. I tried to make her feel bad for not remembering me. Then maybe the next week, she would remember me because she felt guilty.

Next week, bars and pizza (who would have guessed that was coming, right?), I walk in again thinking she has to remember me this time, I made her feel bad last week! And nothing. I figured I would finally introduce myself and get her name. Yes, the third week I finally introduce myself. I know, I'm not good with girls (this where you all make fun of me in the comment section). I tell her I'm going to find her on facebook and she says that's cool. I was new to Facebook and didn't really know how to find people on there, so I couldn't find her at first. I would say by Wednesday I got a friend request, and what do you know, it's that girl, Ameritalia (my friends and I called her this before I knew her name so it kind of stuck). She friended me! Awesome! She finally knows who I am and actually took time out of her day to look me up.

This is where things start to get weird. Her facebook status says "married".... Alright no one in college is actually married yet, are they? It has to be her just being silly. So I snoop a little further. Then, in the little thing that says "write something about yourself" she said, and I quote, "Where my ring at?" Not good. Profile picture? Her and some boy, arms around each others shoulders. Again, not good. I dig a little deeper and I look at one of her old profile pictures and she is wearing a wedding band on her left hand on her ring finger. Ok, this chick has to be married. She still found ME though on Facebook so, that's a good sign.

Another weekend comes around and I stroll into Ameritalia. She was behind the counter. This is how our conversation went:

Me: "I'm sorry, this is an odd question but, are you really married?"

Ameritalia: *Puzzled face with a good 3 second pause* "What?"

Me: "Your Facebook status says you are married.... so are you?"

Ameritalia: "We're friends on facebook?"

Me: "WHAT!!!" *I storm towards the door*

Ameritalia: "Wait!"

I continued to walk out the door with my friends following, all laughing hysterically at me. Great moment.

Later that week, I Facebook messaged her to tell her that I was upset she didn't remember me again. She was nice about it and apologized, yet again. Then I had to ask one more time if she really was married, and she replied that SHE IS MARRIED.

I'm confused and kinda pissed.

This sparked a HUGE debate that went on between my friends and I about whether or not she really was married. We are split about 50/50 on the matter. I stood on the "married" side. While I was a believer, I continued to go in week after week and try, and I emphasize try, to hit on her.

Granted nothing ever actually came out of it, but on Halloween she did hook me up with a free slice and that made the whole thing worth it for me.

Flash forward a few months. I am now in Los Angeles. I don't know what sparked my memory but I suddenly said, "I wonder if Ameritalia was lying to me and that whole time and her telling me she was married was just a good way to try to get that drunk A-hole (me) to stop hitting on her every week (it didn't work but a good try)." So I Facebook message her again and it turns out she is NOT married and claims it also was not a way for her to get me to leave her alone. She wanted to see how long I would believe that she was actually married because no one else believed that. I didn't buy that for a second. Either way it sucked for me. I was either a gullible idiot OR a drunk annoyance.

I hope you made it through that whole story and found it funny. I find it pretty funny now. For her, she just learned a lot about me and that there was a semester long debate about her marital status amongst my friends, so sorry for that Ameritalia. I hope we can still be friends.

Now it's time for the low blow of the week:

Jodi: "I want to talk to your last girlfriend."

Me: "What? Why?"

Jodi: "I don't understand how anyone could ever date you."

Ouch

Love Always,

BJ

* A special note from Nick. After reading and attempting to edit this post, I made BJ sit down and read about these (http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/commas.htm) and when to use them. I apologize if there are still errors because there was one literally on every line. That is all. Thanks!