WRITER PROFILE: Greg

WRITTEN BY: BJ

Now this post is for our readers from Old Bridge, Ithaca, and I suppose anyone else who is reading this. Odds are you don’t know who Greg is, and are probably curious who this guy is that thinks that he's so damn funny. So, I’m going to try to help you out.

Greg Epstein is originally from Marlboro, NJ. His last name is Epstein, he’s from Marlboro, and he’s not a Jew. I know, it still blows my mind too. He is actually… I'm not really sure what he is, but he’s Spanish, not Jewish.

Greg went to every Ithaca College student’s safety school, Emerson College in Boston. Now is when I gotta give him some props. While attending Emerson, Greg played varsity soccer for four straight years. That’s pretty ballah. Playing soccer for a college is pretty cool no matter what school it is. It takes dedication, a lot of hard work, and a lot of talent. Now, what is not so cool is DJing homoerotic dance parties at your house several nights out of the year. He would have you believe that they were just parties at his frat house, but I think we all know what that means.

In his post, Greg ripped on me for not being able to talk to girls, but I think that can be overcome. It just takes me some time to beat myself up a little bit, and then I have to go for it. Greg, on the other hand, looks to be about twelve years old. It’s great to be able to talk to girls all night, but when you come out of the conversation and the girl thinks that you are still in middle school, you kind of got no place to go with that. To be fair, I can’t grow facial hair yet either. We’ll hit puberty soon enough. But seriously he looks like a tween.

Now most of you are probably saying that looks can be deceiving. "What are some of Greg’s hobbies, I’m sure he does things that make him seem older." You’re right, he does. Twice a week our boy goes to the local park and plays kickball. That’s right, kickball. The sport all of us played when we were in elementary school. And when he isn’t hangin' round the kickball diamond, he is collecting Pokemon cards and taking care of Spike, his pet tamagotchi. (He is still on the hunt for a Cloyster, so if you know of one, be sure to hit him up.) Alright, I may have made that last part up. But seriously ask him about Spike, he is adorable.

Now that you kind of know Greg, here is what you can expect from him. Dude can reference any thing at any time. I once heard him reference Walter Mondale (Vice President 1977-1981) while talking about the show “Sister Sister” (TV series featuring Tia and Tamera Mowry). Who else can do that?!? The references are usually absurd but always devastating, so if you’re into pop culture you’ll love his posts.

I hope now you feel like you know Greg a little better and maybe you can relate to his posts and find them as amusing as I do. Not sure what/when my next post will be but I’ll try to be entertaining. Greg, on the other hand, has some new material he plans to drop on Monday, assuming he's still alive by then.

Love Always,

BJ

Oh and by the way, Greg posted some B.S. in his last post. Two corrections:

1. I suggested writing our profiles for each other. I stole the idea from the Free Beer and Hot Wings Morning Show (Check it out, it is hilarious dude).
2. I never could have come up with that “Big Gulp” line. It was way to clever for me. But I will probably use it next chance I get.