WRITER PROFILE: BJ

Written By: Greg

A couple of things have been brought to my attention. The first is, apparently we are .1% definitely gay. Thanks BJ.

The second is, since this blog is in its earliest stages and the majority of our readers are friends of ours individually, there aren't many people reading this who know both of us. We could have been lame and given ourselves cute little biographies, but that's obviously not how we do shit here. We (and by 'we' I mean 'I') decided it would be much better to write one anothers', with as much passive aggressive disdain and backhanded criticism as possible. So, with that in mind:

William Jasper Kiss. "BJ" to people who know him. I actually have no idea what the J stands for, so its Jasper now. Seen here in the original "klean up your act" inspiring Unibomber-Pedo look. Known this kid for close to nine years, but thanks to college you can chalk the last three of them up to "lost touch." Not that it seems to have mattered. We played club soccer back in Jersey on a squad that I still claim was the single best team ever assembled. We were the two guys on the team who talked about South Park WAY too much. Yeah, we clearly got mad girls with that shit. Womp womp.

These days, he's a second semester senior at Ithaca College, studying out here in Hollyhood. Back east, he passed time by jumping from high places while running. Dead serious. He's working as an intern at G4 and some company called Famous Monsters . The only thing I know about either job, is that one of them told him he could have "whatever he wanted" out of the company cabinets for lunch, and he got all pumped for it. Once he opened it, it was just a wall of Starkist Tuna cans. Legit, dude has had it for lunch every day since he started. Gotta love intern abuse.

The kid cracks jokes ALMOST as often as me, and ends roughly half of his sentences with "heyoooo!". His other notable social trait (girls, listen up) can be best explained through two true stories:
- He knew somebody who knew somebody who knew an LA Kings dancer. These chicks are basically paid to be ridiculously good looking, and at times skate around clearing the excess ice. He had tickets to a game. She had been told ahead of time by the aforementioned contact that he was coming, so the groundwork was done already. All he had to do was go up to the girls before the game, ask which one was her, and proceed with conversation. He walked RIGHT up to them, paused, stared... and turned and walked away. The end. No words spoken, just a silent "I got this, I got this, I got this, fuck this I'm out."
- The Farrelly Brothers featured one of BJ's pick up lines in their best movie ever.

So yeah, he loves hockey, not too big on anything "urban," and now that he bought a surf board, he may never work again. Since I've put a face to the name, hearing his FML-inducing stories should be all the more amusing now.

Heyooo!